The Chicago Marathon is one of the biggest Marathons in the country. It is only behind Boston, which is the holy grail of road races with its high qualifying standard, and New York, and all three of these are a part of the world marathon racing series. After entering the lottery what feels like over a year ago, I found out that I would be running the Chicago Marathon with a big group of my running friends, and last Sunday, I ran and finished the Chicago Marathon, my first ever marathon and my longest run ever. I had very lofty goals and had set high expectations for myself, but as I found out while I was racing, I had some blind spots that were much bigger than I had been expecting. Those blind spots contributed to my downfall of not reaching or even coming close to my goals, but either way this was still a running experience unlike any other I had been a part of before.
The alarm went off at 4:00 a.m, which gave me three and half hours to eat, get dressed, catch the train, and get to the start line. This proved to be plenty of time, and the group of us made our way to Grant Park for the start. In the middle of the park is a massive fountain, and there are thousands of people milling around awaiting their chance to run in one of the biggest and most renown races there is clearly energy in the air. It is a great place to be as a runner, in a location with tens of thousands of other people that have been training all summer and have a strong affinity for running. There is just a great feeling of acceptance being around so many people that are just like you about to go through something incredibly hard. As the sun starts to rise people start to make their way to the start line. The weather was a cloudy, humid, 70 degrees, enough to merit a yellow for marathon conditions, I had hoped for much cooler temperatures, but I was not too worried about it, I was rearing to go.
Once in my starting corral, B, I retied my shoes to make sure the laces were good to go, and tried to make my way toward the front, so that I would not be stuck behind a glob of people. Not one of the best choices I made. I started to the right of the three-hour Nike pacing train and decided it would not be too bad to start out a little faster than them, and if need be, hop on the back of the train later in the race if I were to start struggling. Then the national anthem started to play, and it was one of the few times that I had felt moved by hearing the anthem and got goose bumps. It was an emotional experience to feel so close to so many people. Then the elites started and then wave A, then it was my turn.
It was oddly unceremonious, I was right at the start line, there was a countdown from five, and then we went, the guy said there would be a beep or siren, but nothing happened, then I was off racing towards the Chicago skyline. After the barren strip of road to get into the city, I turned a corner to see a flood of people cheering loudly on all sides. It was motivating and adrenaline producing, and at mile one, I ran a 6:38. 14 seconds above goal pace to break three hours, and this trend persisted for the first six miles. I was running low 6:40s and felt great. My legs felt like I was just going for a jog in the park, but I was not surprised, I had trained for this, it should feel easy. So against my better judgment, I sped along without a care. Then I stopped to go pee. Despite using the bathroom multiple times before the race started, I still only made it to the 10k mark before I had to go to the bathroom. This took me out of my groove, and I no longer felt invincible, and like I could hold my pace forever, but no worries, I can slow down a little and keep it around the three-hour pace. Part one in the downfall.
Next at around mile seven now feeling less invincible, I decided to try some Gatorade, which I knew might not be the best idea, because during my training, I never drank during my long runs, even my 24-mile training run, no water, no Gatorade, just mile after mile. So even this first small, tiny sip of Gatorade made my stomach feel a little off, and even the slightest of twinges can cause an avalanche of problems in a race this long. So now my rhythm had vanished, and my stomach had gone from good to questionable, but that was okay, I could adjust some and it would be okay, I was still well on pace to accomplish what I came here to do. I continued at close to the three-hour pace, give or take a couple of seconds, but I had those seconds to spare, I started out fast enough I could afford a second or two a mile now if I recovered later.
I turned the corner to get to the halfway point, and at this point the cracks had already started to grow. The feeling of being unstoppable was well past gone, mentally the doubts had slowly crept in since I stopped to pee at 10k, and I could not shake them, and the voice inside my head persisted no matter how hard I tried to push it down, but at the half way point, I got to see the crowd support that I had been waiting for, my friends from Syracuse who had traveled with us. So, this added a pep in my step as I thought that running 13.1 more miles would not be impossible, I just had to hold this pace, but I was feeling slightly drained energy wise, so this led me to the make-or-break decision.
When a person runs a marathon, they are burning tons of energy, so calories need to be consumed to be able to sustain your energy level throughout the race. Again this was not something I had trained to do, I had done all my long runs without goo or energy chews, but at the halfway point there were Gatorade chews, and I felt like the best chance I had at keeping my energy and being able to finish in the time I wanted, that I needed to take the risk and try the chews, so I grabbed the pack and started to eat them on the go. They tasted good and were soft enough that they were easy to chew while running, and they made me feel pretty good initially. I made it to mile 14 keeping an okay pace, and not feeling too bad, but now I needed some water to get the after taste out of my mouth and to help wash them down. So, I had some more sips of water at the next station, and now my stomach that had been feeling iffy started to feel crampy. There was a small side stich developing.
I was able to make it two more miles, and in those two miles, the pace was growing ever slower, but I had not yet imploded completely, the miles were still high 6 low 7s, but I could see my dream slipping away. At mile 16 my small side stich had turned into a massive all-encompassing pain in my stomach that hurt with every breath. My mental constitution had completely flattened, and I did the one thing I did not want to do and swore to myself I would not do. I started to walk. I thought maybe if I stopped and walked for a tiny bit, less than a minute, that I could work the cramp out and still finish with a respectable time. So, I walked, and I tried taking very big deep breaths to push the cramp out. It lessened some, but it did not go away. I tried to push on, but the cramp was so painful. I kept having to stop and start and stop and start, and no matter how long I stopped and walked I could not get the cramp to go away. It was so deflating. I had been dreaming of this day for so long, and now I am on an endless cycle of stopping and starting and pain. When I stopped and started to walk, I realized how thirsty I was, so I would get more water, but every time I got more water, it made my stomach cramp even worst, but it was a hot humid day, and I had lost so much water I needed some, but it kept causing so much pain.
On and off I went feeling ashamed and defeated. There is nothing worst than walking and feeling hopeless and making eye contact with a person on the side of the road and having to avert your eyes because you are embarrassed and do not want any pitying remarks. There were some people who were overly optimistic and yelling things like you can make it, and other stuff that had good intentions, but they did not know the pain I was in, and if I had it in me, I would gladly be pounding the pavement. At around mile 23 or 24, I am not sure which, it turned into a blur, I started running and was able to make it all the way to the end very slowly, but there were moments where this came into question. Between mile 16 and 23 I had developed a massive headache, and I had moments where I would feel very lightheaded and my vision would be a little spotty, neither of which I am used to happening. As I went up the final hill with half a mile to go muscles on the inside of my thighs started to twinge, and it felt like a full-on cramp could be coming on, but I had to make it, no more walking, I did not care how slow my running was. So down the final stretch I went to the finish line feeling choked up, but from what I am not quite sure. It was probably a combination of things. On the high note, I was finishing my first ever marathon, and it was massive race, but on the horrendous side, I had to battle the last ten miles in a way I was not used to, and I had failed in epic proportions compared to my goal, but the feeling went away as I crossed the line and was able to stop and walk and be done. I had battled through ten miles of stomach cramps to the end. Three hours thirty-three minutes and thirty-three seconds.
At this point, my vision was as spotty as it has ever been, and I did not feel right. Now I had to walk close to a mile down the finishing shoot. I did not think I was going to make it. I was hoping one of the people might notice that I looked terrible and might help me move along, but no one did, there were people cramping up on the floor that needed real medical attention, so feeling like a ghost I trudged on and got some water, a blanket, and a beer. At the blanket stop the guy asked me if I wanted to feel warmer or colder to which I replied that I did not care. So, he just put it on me.
To get excited for this race, I read a book called The Rise of the Ultra Runners written by Adharanand Finn. In this book, one of the races that he talks about is the Comrades 50 miler in South Africa. After the race they hand you the medal that you earned, and in this race, they have a stratification of medals based on what time the person finishes. It is one of if not the biggest national event in South Africa, so when a person finishes, it is a very emotional event, but I would say that this holds true for any big, long race. So, when Finn crossed the line of his race and received his medal, he said he got an emotional embrace from the lady handing him the medal, and that in the moment, that was exactly what he needed. So, when I was getting my solar tin foil blanket I wanted nothing more than a hug and someone to say hey you did it, good job, but that did not happen. I had the blanket lightly placed on my shoulders, and I stumbled on down the chute.
I felt terrible for hours after the race, my stomach was not right, and my head did not feel the greatest either. I kept having to lay down or sit down. Once I had three beers in the park at the after party, I felt a little better, but this was only short lived like all buzzes. I knew I needed to replenish some energy, but I did not want anything, the one thing that really got me through were some cheddar pringles that tasted just like kraft mac and cheese. Once we had garnered the troops and had ample time to “recover,” we hobbled to the bean and took some photos before heading back to the place where we were staying. It had been a full and emotional day, but by the end, I was already ready to come back for redemption after being ready to never run that far again, just a couple hours earlier.
The worst part about this race is that it is so taxing on the body. If you run a 5k and do poorly, you can turn around the next weekend or two and go for it again with just as good a chance to get the time you wanted, but marathons wreak havoc on your body. Most people cannot run a marathon and then do it again the following weekend, or at least do it well. The body demands rest. So, you almost must start a new training cycle to give your body time to recover and then build your legs up again to the point where they can go for another round. So no matter how badly I want redemption and want to prove that I am way better than the time that I earned, I must wait, and I hate waiting, I also hate the feeling that I wasted so much time training to just flop in the race.
So, the contributing factors to my failure were: not training with drinks and gels, the weather was not ideal, and inexperience and youth. When the race started, the conditions was already on a yellow, but by the time I finished, it had been moved up to a red. The later milage of a race really do share a resemblance to a war movie. There are people strewn up and down the street receiving medical attention because their bodies could not take it anymore. When I made it through the finishing shoot and was laying down on the sidewalk, there was a man just feet away screaming in agony. During the race I saw a woman just face plant because her body could not carry her any further. Now all that was not due to the weather, but the humidity and high temperature zaps a person of their energy, water, and electrolytes, which causes the body to start to fall apart, but I really did not think the weather would affect me that much, because I had been training all summer and being from Georgia, I am no stranger to the heat and humidity. So big picture, I think this was the smallest part of the problems for me. The biggest was probably the lack of training with nutritional help during the runs, which I will now start to do.
The one aspect that I have yet to delve into too much was my ego, which is unusual for me. I had allowed it to be inflated by my recent running success and the kind compliments from others. Initially I had thought that running 3:30 would be a fine time, but as I progressed and ran my long runs of 20 miles and up in about 7:10 pace, I was told that running a three-hour marathon would be doable for me, and although reluctant to believe this at first, I bought in hard by the end. I thought worst case scenario I run a 3:05 and feel a little upset that I was close. So when I started out at 6:40 mile pace, and it felt easy, I kept my pace steady, when I should have backed off. Time and again I had heard to start conservative and work down, and that is how I had trained on my long runs too, but I was so confident that I decided that if these 6:40s feel easy, might as well stay there. Bad idea. Next time I will start off more conservative.
I wish I had picked a practice marathon to practice on so that I could have shown out at Chicago, but such is life. I learned a ton from this experience. Normally after failing in a race, I would feel so bad and depressed for days if not a week, but finishing this still felt like an accomplishment, and even though I was half an hour off of my goal time. I went home feeling like I did something great. It also gives me a lot of motivation for the future. I still need to qualify for Boston, and that feat might take years, but I am ready for it. The long training runs are hard but feeding the appetite after is always fun. It is hard to beat a hobby that burns enough calories that it can support my massive love of beer and pizza, so that I may stay forever skinny. I might never be the super marathon/ultra-marathon runner I have dreamed of myself becoming, but I will always try to be it and dream of faster times. Now I have one week off from racing, then Mountain Goat 10 miler, Cross Country on Halloween, and then on November 7th the cross-country championship race. Bring on the runs!
Also, I would like to give a big thank you to all the people that supported and cheered me on along the way from my family, who tolerate my addiction to running in general. The early mornings and the long runs on Saturday that make it hard to plan outings. The people that I run with from Syracuse Track Club and Lake Effect that help me push myself and continue to be better every day. They also all believed in me and thought that I would crush this, so I am thankful for all the support. Also thank you to those of you who cheered for me along the racecourse it was very helpful. This was a great trip made even greater by the people who were surrounding me.
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