It feels weird to say this considering the best movie of the year so far came out in March, but besides that, there was not a movie that I really loved from this month. I saw 22 March releases, which is a lot, that is like almost one a day… Dune Part Two is obviously the best, but other than that, the two March films that I enjoyed the most were Road House, which was polarizing, but if you go in knowing it is dumb and want to have fun on a Friday night, then it is perfect, and Problemista. It is a short 95 minutes, and it flies by, plus its awkwardness is so enjoyable to bask in. There were some other decent movies that came out, but overall, it was just an average month. Even in the two Dumpuaries, I found something that I really enjoyed. In March, I did start watching some physical media! For my birthday I asked for some blu-rays to start a collection, and it really does make a difference. The picture and sound were better, and I do not think that was a placebo. I watched Annihilation, which is now cemented as one of my favorites, in my parent’s basement, while house sitting, and the speakers made the house shake, it was so cool visually. Anyway here are the March movies ranked!
1. Dune Part Two: This was the first movie that I saw this month, and it was by far the best. I actually saw it twice in IMAX, and it is amazing. Visually one of the best movies I have ever seen. The story has grown on me. I rewatched the first one, and then I went and saw the second one again, and I enjoyed it more. I still do not love it, but its greatness is undeniable, it will definitely be around during awards season next year. I bought the second book, so I do not have to wait years for the third movie to come out.
2. Problemista: A new A24 movie, with a first-time director, and it was a great time. The whole tone is awkward and weird, and it is the story of an immigrant trying to get a visa, so that he can stay in the country. He has a dream, but he is struggling to achieve it, so he ends up trapped in a horrible work relationship with a lady whose husband chose to be frozen, so he can come back later. The lady is totally unhinged and is the highest level of Karen. She yells at everyone over every little thing, and she is never okay with their answer. It is very funny in its awkwardness, and it is the kind of hidden gem that I love to find!
3. Arthur the King: A team in an adventure race that covers hundreds of miles in South America comes across a stray dog, and just after a couple of meatballs, the dog decides to follow them, and this lasts for most of the race. Eventually the dog becomes the unofficial mascot of the team, and they are willing to sacrifice their first-place position to save the dog. This movie was right up my alley, an endurance adventure race out in nature mixed with a dog, it does not get much better than that. Also Mark Wahlberg played the role of washed up athlete perfectly.
4. Road House: This came out on Amazon a couple of weeks ago, and it has been super divisive. Some people really like it, and other people hate it. Most of the hate seems to come from people who have an extreme fondness for the original, but going into it, I had not seen the original. Also, I was expecting a fun dumb action movie, and that is exactly what I got. Plus it stars Jake Gyllenhaal, and I love him so that helped. I went back and watched the original, and I like the new one more. The location is better, and so are the people. Sorry.
5. Wicked Little Letters: This technically does not come out until April, but I saw it at a Mystery Movie Monday, so it is a March movie for me, and it was fun. Olivia Coleman receives mean letters from an anonymous sender, and her foul-mouthed neighbor is the prime suspect. The movie overall is pretty funny, especially if you enjoy people cursing in a British accent and coming up with some absurd insults. It was also helpful to see it in a theater full of people, because laughter is contagious!
6. Late Night with the Devil: This took the format of a late-night talk show with a little bit of a documentary element to it as well. It is a pretty original way to tell a story. It starts out slow, and as it progresses it slowly gets weirder and weirder. The final twenty minutes are a little unhinged, and it lost me for a moment, but the ending pulled me back into it. It was another good one to watch with a large amount of people in the theater on a Friday night. The actors do a great job of playing their roles, and that was a huge help.
7. In the Land of Saints and Sinners: Liam Neeson is back to do his Liam Neeson thing, but this time it is in Ireland. So that automatically makes this a beautiful film to look at. Every time there is a movie set in rural Ireland, you know it is going to look great. I like to imagine this as a weird sequel to Banshees of Inisherin. It had some tense moments, and it actually has less action than you would think, but what is even more surprising is that having less action was not to its detriment. It allowed Neeson and Condon to act.
8. Immaculate: Sydney Sweeny stars in the Catholic horror movie. There is a lack of a plot at times, but it has some scares, and Sweeny sells the whole performance. I did not have much faith in this movie, but it proved me wrong. On a side note, I heard the Sweeny goes to set even the days when she is not filming, and she will go and ask questions about the process of making the movie, like what camera they are using or what lens and why. She seems like a cool person.
9. Spaceman: A Netflix Adam Sandlar movie, but he did not direct it, so it is above average. It has some emotional depth, but it boils down to Sandlar being trapped on a spaceship with a giant spider as his marriage falls apart. There are few things more terrifying than giant spiders and having to relive some bad life choices adds to the terror as well, so Sandlar is really going through it in this movie. Good enough to watch once. A little emotionally manipulative though.
10. Kung Fu Panda 4: Po is back, but the rest of the Furious Five are not. Instead, we got a fox played by Awkwafina, who I love, so it was a good compromise. I went and saw this with my family, which is always a fun time. The villain in this story though was similar to the third film. In the third one, the bad guy would turn the good guys into emeralds and have them fight for him, and in the fourth, the bad guy had the staff and sucked out others’ powers so she could fight better. Maybe DreamWorks should dream up something new. This was not bad, but it is a little played out.
11. Love Lies Bleeding: A lesbian love story. This was pretty intense, but at times it would hit some comedic notes. A body builder is trying to get to Vegas for a competition, and she stops off in a random town, and she moves in with Kristin Stewart’s character, who owns the local gym. They seem to fall in love, but it is not a healthy relationship. One provides the other steroids, and the other can be abusive. Then there are some murders, and familial troubles, and no one is safe, but it also seems like no one is in the right. The characters are so concerned about each other that they do not realize the wrongs they themselves have committed. Also this has some gross sound design, especially when it comes to steroids and the flexing of muscles.
12. You’ll Never Find Me: A straight to Shudder release, and one of the better ones of the year for them. They had released some duds to the streaming service, so hopefully this is a positive trend. The whole movie takes place inside a small house, and that adds to the tension. A young woman knocks at the door in the middle of the night, and the guy who lives there happened to be up. She just needed a ride, because there was an intense storm going on outside, but he did not have a phone for her to use, so she kept getting convinced to hang out just a little longer to wait for the storm to end. The tension continually rises and falls, and then the movie totally loses its mind before coming back together at the end. I really did not fully get what happened until I started writing this, but now I get it. This would have been better in theaters, because it was so slow at times, I would look at phone, and that just does not happen in the theaters.
13. The American Society of Magical Negroes: This was largely forgettable. It has a love story, and it is about how black people should not just be side characters, which is a perfectly good message, but the story telling was not that compelling. American Fiction told a story with a similar message, but it did it so much better than this film, so watch that one instead.
14. Sting: Another Mystery Movie Monday watch, and this one also does not come out until April as well. For some reason this was the month of large spider movies, and honestly if there is one thing I do not like, it is large spiders. This one is also from outer space, and a hormonal preteen finds it and makes it her pet. She starts to feed it, and it gets big fast. It is more intelligent than a normal spider. As it gets bigger, it starts to cause some havoc. It might have been symbolic of the lies that were being held within their household, and at some point, the lies become too big to hold on to anymore and it spills out causing problems. Not bad, but I could not get into it, maybe because of the spider, if you like spiders this could be for you!
15. Godzilla x Kong: I enjoyed the last Godzilla and Kong, but this one did not have them fighting on a giant aircraft carrier, also they were not in the same place until there was thirty minutes left. To be honest, I fell asleep for a small portion of this film, and that was in IMAX during a fight scene, that is not easy to do. Some of the fights were great, but bringing more giant apes into this was not what I was looking for. I want more unique monsters, but instead we got Kong and Godzilla fighting an alternate Kong and Godzilla. At one point Kong used a baby Kong as a weapon, and that made me laugh, but largely this movie was did not reach the heights of its predecessor despite Godzilla moving into the Colosseum.
16. One Life: This was a harrowing story about a man trying to get Jewish people out of a country before the Nazis invaded, and he was largely successful in saving many lives, but the ones he was not able to save ate away at him. The end goes into the future, and he sees all the people he was able to save and all their family members, and it made me cry, but most of the movie was not as engrossing as it should have been. It never made me feel the urgency that was clearly there.
17. Irish Wish: A Netflix original that came out in time for St. Patrick’s Day. It stars Lindsey Lohan, and it is not a bad rom-com. It is just a rom-com that involves a wish. I had fun watching it, but it is almost immediately predictable and forgettable.
18. Damsel: Another straight to Netflix release. Millie Bobby Brown fights a dragon after being forced into a marriage with a family that was in debt to a dragon. I did not think that the dragon looked that bad, but the rest of the story was just average. It was nothing special, just something fun to watch on Netflix that probably cost way too much money to make. Just finish Stranger Things please.
19. Ricky Stanicky: A straight to Amazon Prime comedy. The main star in this is John Cena and boy does he steal the show. He plays a ridiculous role, and he sells every part of this movie. Initially he is a washed-up performer singing comedic cover songs, and then when he gets hired to play a fictional friend, he is able to play the role perfectly. He continues to fail upward in the most ridiculous ways. A fun watch but a bad movie.
20. Imaginary: Blumhouse’s new horror film. An imaginary friend tells a little girl to do things that slowly become more violent, and once all the tasks have been completed, then she is allowed to enter the alternate universe. The movie is dumb, but it does not take itself seriously, so that makes it easier to get through.
21. Ghost Busters Frozen Empire: This movie was way too long, and it had too little busting going on throughout. Their boring family drama did not interest me. I just waited for it to end.
22. Cat and Dog: A Netflix movie that was about a CGIed cat and dog that accidentally become a part of a massive jewel heist. They look terrible and the acting and story is awful, but I did laugh a couple of times.
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