In American Fiction, they gave a great symbolic explanation for how most people consume things from art to drinks. In the movie, the specific example they gave was Johnny Walker. There is the red label that is basically garbage used to get drunk, there is the black label, which is a higher quality, but it is just elevated garbage, and then there is blue label, which is like drinking art, high quality stuff. The agent said that most people just want the cheap garbage to get drunk, and that is where the money comes from. In his symbolic spiel, he was comparing the alcohol to books, but the same can be said for movies. At the end of the day, people just want mindless movies to watch and enjoy, and occasionally, they want something a little finer art, but that is rare. It is the same concept as ancient Roman times, when they said the people just need bread and circuses to be happy and not overthrow the government. To me, nothing represents this love for trash, like the movies that are released in January, which has lovingly been dubbed Dumpuary. It got this name because studios like to dump some of their lesser movies in January, after all the big movies have dropped at the end of the previous year. So here are the Dumpuary movies I saw, and where they ranked, but since it is Dumpuary, we go from worst to best!
1. Prime: This movie was released onto Netflix just a few days into the new year, and it was dumpy. It was not in English, which was fine, but when it gets so bad that I no longer cared about reading the subtitles, that is bad stuff. I do not remember much about the plot of this movie, someone dies, and it causes the main character to have some grief and lose his mind, I think? The one aspect of this movie that I do remember is that the wallpaper in the living room was the worst that I have ever seen. I would lose my mind if I had to stare at that wallpaper every day.
2. Destroy All Neighbors: Shudder is the horror streaming service that is super cheap to subscribe to, and every month they release an original or two, and most of the time they are bad, and this one was no different, but it was so campy that it was lovingly awful. It is about an aspiring Prog Rock artist, who accidentally kills his neighbor, because he was annoyed at how much noise his neighbor was always making, and then it slowly devolves into a bigger mess as it goes on. It has practical effects, which I love, and it is gross, and it is stupid fun, but it is not for everyone, in fact, it is probably not for the vast majority of people.
3. Miller’s Girl: This is one of those movies that thinks it is being intelligent, but in reality it is not. It is just an incredibly weird and uncomfortable story that when the credits end, you tilt your head sideways like a dog and scratch it, because you have no idea what just happened, and then you see that Seth Rogan helped produce this, and it makes you even more confused. Jenna Ortega and her friend are trying to hook up with their high school teachers. This by itself is troubling, especially with how serious it takes itself, and Ortega’s teacher is an author, and she sucks up to him by reading his books, and she tries to seduce him using literature. So they recite romantic lines to each other from books, and it is all too much. Jenna Ortega did play her role perfectly, and her friend was also great at doing her role, but I just do not see why anyone would sign on for this movie. There is a scene where Ortega and the teacher share a cigarette, and it is so uncomfortable. Why would Ortega want to be a high school student trying to hook up with her gray haired teacher? Why would Martin Freeman sign on to be the old teacher having a weird affair with his student? Who does this benefit!? How did Seth Rogan get involved with this!?
4. Founders Day: In the same vein as the recent slasher Thanksgiving, this follows a killing spree in a small town as they celebrate their own little holiday as a mayoral election encroaches. It gives some political commentary about how both sides suck, and it has gruesome kills from a person dressed in a judge’s gown, wearing a creepy red mask with a white colonial wig, and they are wielding a gavel that has a knife that pops out of the bottom. It feels long for what is, and so many people die that you know who the killer is, because all the other main characters are dead, so needless to say it is a great January movie.
5. Night Swim: I always look forward to Blumhouse’s January release, they come up with something absurd and throw it out there, and if it is weird enough, it can be a hit! Last year Megan destroyed the box office. This year they told the story of a haunted pool, and its biggest flaw was that it was almost good. I wanted it to be bad and campy, but instead, they took themselves seriously, and the first half of the movie, I was captured, but then it fell off the deep end, pun intended, and it fell into the bad bad category, no longer able to tread water, the movie drowned under the heightened expectations that it created in the first 40 minutes.
6. Lift: Another Netflix release, but this one was definitely American. It was better than Prime, and it was an overall okay movie, but it starred Kevin Hart, and this is where the problem truly begins. I have no problem with Kevin Hart, but this is an action heist movie, and Kevin Hart is not believable as the beat them all up guy. He is good for making short jokes and being funny, not punching people in the face. He is like a small dog posturing like he is just as big as a Rottweiler, but in this movie, he gets cast to play the Rottweiler, and it does not work. He does have massive triceps, and he is muscular in general, but that does not make it any more believable.
7. The Underdoggs: Snoop Dogg plays a washed-up super star receiver, who gets arrested, and he has to complete 300 hours of community service, and he does this by coaching a pop warner football team. Of course, he starts off as a total jerk, and as the story progresses, he realizes that he can make a change in the kids’ lives, and that the kids are worthy of his time. It is very cliché, but what it does differently is the profanity. Like Good Boys four years ago, this movie goes all in with the kids being able to curse, and Snoop cursing nonstop at the kids, around the kids, and when he is with other adults. They also have a scene where the kids go on a drinking rampage, which I did not expect to see, but I think Good Boys had a scene where the kids did drugs, so I guess should not be that surprised. It gives the movie an added flair, but it ultimately does not make it different from its predecessors to make it a good movie, but an enjoyable enough stream on Amazon on a Sunday morning.
8. Role Play: To be honest, I forgot what this was. I knew it was a streamer, but I could not even remember the service, until I went back to my log on Letterboxd, so I guess technically, this should switch with Lift, but too bad. This was an Amazon movie starring Kaley Cuoco, and she is an assassin, but her family does not know that. One day her lives get crossed, and now her family is in danger, and she must save them. This was way too similar to the show she had on Max, The Flight Attendant, which was recently canceled after two seasons. It was not a bad show, and this was not a bad movie, but it was just a completely repackaged version of her show. Also, like Kevin Hart, after watching years of the Big Bang Theory, it is hard to believe Cuoco as an assassin.
9. I.S.S: A space thriller that falls apart at the end. Two Americans arrive to the I.S.S, which is shared between America and Russia, so there are three of each living up there. Shortly after arriving, the astronauts see massive explosions going off down on Earth, and it looks like Earth has turned into a fiery wasteland, and the CGI actually looks quite good, which is important in a space movie. So the two sides get one last transmission from their countries, both say that a war has started, and to take over the I.S.S by any means necessary. The tension this creates was really well done, until they start to try and kill each other, and then it turns into dumb space action, where people are floating around trying to stab each other, and it looks awful. It made the tension totally dissipate.
10. The Beekeeper: Jason Statham stars as the Beekeeper in this wild action movie. One where the plot is of minimal importance, you just spend your time waiting for the next action set piece, and thankfully, there are many action set pieces. This does not reach the level of any of the John Wick movies, but it is definitely worthy of watching. There are way too many bee puns, and the fact that it is a plot point that he is acting just like a bee would is ridiculous, but the one hundred minutes flew by, and it falls right into the idea of people just want something mindless to watch. A lovely January afternoon at the movies.
11. Some Other Woman: This one was weird! It was about a woman, who is living a life that is not what she wants, and slowly some other woman (to quote the title) slowly replaces her in her life. It is like a gas lighting story, they make the main girl believe that this was not her life, but once she has been completely eliminated from her life, the process starts all over again, as she comes back into her own life and slowly eliminates the girl that had replaced her. The symbolism of the movie left me with three options: depression can make you feel like a different person, and that you are living someone else's life, or that marriage is a heavy burden that ruins your life, OR society sets all these lofty expectations, but it is okay to just be happy with an average life. A fun, frustrating, and weird January find! I loved sitting there trying to figure out what the movie was trying to say.
12. Fallen Leaves: This is technically not a Dumpuary release, but I had never heard of it until 2024, and it was not in theaters here till 2024, so here is my chance to talk about it. It was made and takes place in Finland, and it follows two people. A man, who works hard jobs, and he lives in housing given by the jobs, and a woman, who also works hard physical labor jobs. Neither are overly happy, and the man is a drunk, and they are both lonely. Although they do not seem to have much in common, they do enjoy each other’s companionship. The man gets hit by a trolly right as they are about to get together, which seemed to come out of nowhere, and the man would probably agree. It added to plot though, because it seemed like every time things started to go right for these people the universe would screw it up for them. It was also just over 90 minutes, so the writers needed to throw something in to make it longer and more atypical. It was a very slow movie, and it was very atmospheric. It was depressing to see bars filled with men drinking beers piling glasses on the table, and they are all just sitting there silently with no music playing. Their bar nature is wildly different from ours. I enjoyed how different this was than our typical soul mate romance rom com movies. It was not as formulaic.
13. Mean Girls: This was easily the best movie of the month. I do not consider myself a musical person, but this was very well done, and it was such a fun time at the theater. I went on opening night and a good amount of people were there to watch it. It was cool to hear people talk while the movie was going on like, when you go to see a Marvel movie with someone and have to explain the back story or explain the easter egg. I watched the original Mean Girls a few days later, and I honestly liked the new version better, which surprised me. The songs were good, the performances fit perfectly, it was funny, and it provoked the emotions it was trying to get out. Definitely worth seeing, and it makes sense that each generation of girls should have their adapted modernized version of Mean Girls, so maybe in another 20 years, we will get a new one.
February is not looking too good right now either, so in a month you might be seeing a Dumpuary Part II list for the February movies. It was fun making a list of bad movies and trying to trim down what to say about them, so maybe this will be the format going forward, or at least one list a month.
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